June 26, 2008

XII.

Por: Manuel Clavell Carrasquillo en cuadernos de la depre

Peristencia de la soledad

aunque acompañado

quiero salir no sé a dónde no hay dónde quiero dormir no puedo me voy para la calle a ver qué tal busco actividad cultural calmante nada voy entonces sin rumbo ni expectativa me dejo llevar hacia los locales de baile y bebida de la playa camino sobre la arena mojada la brisa me da en la cara me encuentro con un montón de gente borracha saludo a dos o tres nada me siento solo igual igualmente solo entre tantos que comen frituras escuchan música de Ipod habiendo vellonera allí y se gritan unos a otros para poderse escuchar aunque sea mal regreso a la habitación de la morada de la desdicha alimentada y sostenida por una obsesión reprimida (“Rosa Salvaje, soy yo… Rosa Salvaje”) y descarrilada por indicaciones de la moral de las buenas costumbres del Papa Boricua y el Jesucristo Hombre un desarreglo divino que incluye prácticas sexuales no recomendables ganas de joder y pactos diabólicos dos o tres embustes bien dichos a gente importante y gente supuestamente decente que quiere ayudar nada que las cosas están malísimas en dentro y en fuera de la habitación y sueño con salir sin tenerme que levantar leo un libro nada por aquello de ver si lo que antes me funcionó ahora me funciona nada busco de dios entre la música de Laura Pausini y Andrea Bocelli quiero armarme de valor para salir por esa puerta a matar a dos o tres cabrones con una semiatomática en mi patio por aquello de la defensa legal que me han hecho la vida de cuadritos nada y me tienen la bola derecha cuadriculada como mi futuro nada en el mundo cruel sobre esa construcción ficticia y geométrica monté trompa me tomé una pepa me bebí una gasolina de tequila, vodka y ron me fumé un leño me inyecté se me desensortijaron los cuatro pelos del pecho y escupí en los alientos recibidos nada en las palmaditas de querube mal querido nada y en las ayudas técnicas nada quise / nada fui y no me levanté de la cama miré al techo desnudo axilas expuestas al azar (la no caricia el anti tacto del no macho caliente allí) y vi pasar la línea de hormigas en la tarde lluviosa y el agua entraba por las ventanas miami de mi soberana demencia depresiva la lluvia sonaba contra el metal de las ventanas miami y nada no lloré me arropé y me di la vuelta contra la pared y antes de dormirme le di un beso seco al empapelado rosado con líneas de plata setentoso aún horrible todo frío mas con el abanico encendido en contra de los mosquitos nada los goterones la melancolía el cantazo de los chorros contra el bitumul de la avenida nada persistía la soledad

a gabino

mcc

4 Responses to ' XII. '

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  1. on June 27th, 2008 at 7:50 am

    Op-Ed Contributor NYT
    Dying Is Hard. Comedy Is Harder.
    By JERRY SEINFELD
    Published: June 24, 2008

    THE honest truth is, for a comedian, even death is just a premise to make jokes about. I know this because I was on the phone with George Carlin nine days ago and we were making some death jokes. We were talking about Tim Russert and Bo Diddley and George said: “I feel safe for a while. There will probably be a break before they come after the next one. I always like to fly on an airline right after they’ve had a crash. It improves your odds.”

    I called him to compliment him on his most recent special on HBO. Seventy years old and he cranks out another hour of great new stuff. He was in a hotel room in Las Vegas getting ready for his show. He was a monster.

    You could certainly say that George downright invented modern American stand-up comedy in many ways. Every comedian does a little George. I couldn’t even count the number of times I’ve been standing around with some comedians and someone talks about some idea for a joke and another comedian would say, “Carlin does it.” I’ve heard it my whole career: “Carlin does it,” “Carlin already did it,” “Carlin did it eight years ago.”

    And he didn’t just “do” it. He worked over an idea like a diamond cutter with facets and angles and refractions of light. He made you sorry you ever thought you wanted to be a comedian. He was like a train hobo with a chicken bone. When he was done there was nothing left for anybody.

    But his brilliance fathered dozens of great comedians. I personally never cared about “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television,” or “FM & AM.” To me, everything he did just had this gleaming wonderful precision and originality.

    I became obsessed with him in the ’60s. As a kid it seemed like the whole world was funny because of George Carlin. His performing voice, even laced with profanity, always sounded as if he were trying to amuse a child. It was like the naughtiest, most fun grown-up you ever met was reading you a bedtime story.

    I know George didn’t believe in heaven or hell. Like death, they were just more comedy premises. And it just makes me even sadder to think that when I reach my own end, whatever tumbling cataclysmic vortex of existence I’m spinning through, in that moment I will still have to think, “Carlin already did it.”

    Jerry Seinfeld is a writer and a comedian.

  2. on June 27th, 2008 at 8:25 pm

    Son las 11:20 de la noche en la ciudad de Austin, donde todo tiene cuernos y tienes que ser fanático del football para ser cool. Arrastro mis penas hasta el lobby del motel de mala muerte en que me estoy quedando y le monto un rapeo mongo a la del counter para que me preste algo para abrir las cervezas tibias que tengo en la neverita y me da un gustazo del carajo sentirme dandy de gorditas. Se llama Betty y quiere que la ame, ella no lo dice, pero yo lo sé. A veces sé cosas. Nunca me sirve de nada.
    Subo a beber y pongo el aire en high para matar el olorcito ese de polvos viejo, ajenos y apresurados y trago cerveza como discípulo de Bukowski o suicida sin ganas o cliché con patas o motelero empedernido o imbécil indeciso sobre si venirse a estudiar un doctorado a esta ciudad de mierda o quedarse ganando migajas en la isla del desencanto. Parece un loose/loose situation.
    Enciendo el aparato de leer e-mails y me conecto a los lugares comunes, a los sitios de siempre, buscando comodidad en lo conocido y me encuentro con los cuadernos de la depre de MCC. Empiezo a inyectarme esa escritura desenfrenada y testicular sin permiso de nadie y es el snack salado que necesita la cerveza ya caliente. Leo y me topo con un nombre idéntico al mío. ¿Seré yo? El enigma de llamarse gabino es una jodienda que pocos entienden. Me molesta que las cervezas tengan ese submarinito de plástico dentro. La puerta no cierra. La televisión no anestesia lo suficiente. Si a las tres de la mañana sigo despierto le voy a pedir a Betty que me cuente la historia de su vida y le voy a enseñar la poesía de MCC. Un día me voy a decidir a decidirme. Quiero ser cool y ser el único gabino del mundo.

  3. on June 30th, 2008 at 10:31 am

    Adiós cará, pues por supuesto que eres el único Gabino del mundo. Por lo menos el único que se tira esos cuentos tan tripiosos, así que salud y suerte por aquellos parajes desérticos. 😎

  4. Gabino said,
    on July 2nd, 2008 at 8:17 am

    He vuelto vivo de redneck country. Creo que me salieron cuernos. No queda nada más que sumar la capacidad de las palabras y la belleza retorcida de la semiótica para decir académicamente: Coño, gracias. Un abrazo y suerte con los ancient little dragons, they tend to become airplanes.

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