February 15, 2005

Compensaciones y gravámenes para cancelar los días quince

Por: Manuel Clavell Carrasquillo en desvío
Podría ser el diario de un fumador que pesa 200 libras, que ya no siente la diferencia entre sus pulmomes y la panza que lo domina; una criatura de Dr. Weigth Loss Center a quien las grasas monosodio glutamate del Star Cream China Restaurant se le confunden con bocanadas de nicotina amarilla-entintada. También, como todo está nublado, puede ser la libreta de apuntes de una estudiante de derecho romano; una air head blondelegally blonde– que repite como el papagallo todo lo que han dicho anteriormente los profesores tratadistas catalanes. Sin embargo, me temo que mi investigación apunta a que se trata de un macharrán peludo con ganas de desahogar chorros de semen contenidos sobre la página una vez sale de los portales de porno gratuito (www.sublimedirectory.com) sin causa próxima a su desaire. Pero, como hasta mi despacho en el edificio Darligton Río Piedras, donde atiendo sólo asuntos de consultoría tecnocientífica con especialidad en microrrepujadoras, sólo llega una corazonada mal latida, pues rectifico: es el cuaderno -tengo a mi disposición morbosa el cuaderno- de un nenito lindo. Ante mí desfilan ciertas hojas garabateadas con el rico sudor de un zurdo de cinco piez diez pulgadas, mirada seductora y ojos de salamandra, que me hostigan suavemente con el propósito perverso de desencajarme hasta el fondo vacío de la negrura trasnochada. El nenito no sabe expresar dolor, su voz destila libretos dulces autografiados con besos rojos Elizabeth Arden en el margen del expediente posesorio que me alcanza a nivel contacto lujuria tercer tipo para ver si firmo, tropiezo con su axila y caigo. El nenito, repito, perrea. Debajo del mahón DKNY aguardan las sorpresas, que se dejan para la exhibición postmedianoche en la hora cumbre de la apoteosis de la disco. Le crece, se hincha, se pone tabla al ritmo de Don Omar, divo negro con gorra blanca, que invade la pista de Eros The Club cada miércoles que soy tuyo transmutado en lírica metralleta en el instante en que le piden los demás que lo rodean un certero dame duro / con cuidado / pero no me des más na, / que me duele la popola… Versión vulgata a parte, al nenito zurdo le da con mostrar tatuaje en brazo izquierdo, lamer mollero con mollero, meterse cuatro palos de cantazo, sacarse un grito; un tírate al medio, cabroncito con espejuelos de pasta, ahora, que está bueno ya de tanto rebuleo. Aún así, convencido de la contundente erección que me provoca su recuerdo, me late que estoy equivocado. A veces pienso que nada de eso llegó a concretizarse, que realmente choqué con la correspondencia íntima de una matrona enchaquetada. Cheka: empleada pública, Mamushka, una excelente oficial jurídico del Tribunal de Última Instancia, secretaria glorificada. Esa sí que fue una colisión arrolladora, un traspaso de licencias en el Departamento de Obras Públicas, algo húmedo (como el Santo Sudario de Torino) que se colocó entre ella, yo y el manojo de nervios azules contenidos en letra cursiva, bien ordenada hacia arriba y hacia abajo, que -mientras tanto, al fondo del precipicio de una mestruación entrecortada y fuera de calendario- esperaba el reconocimiento del jefe de la sección de inspecciones automovilísticas y el cheque del día quince en un sobre manila petite con leyenda remitente que leía: En caso de pérdida, favor de devolver a Mala y Pico, mejor conocida en los pasillos de Minillas y los antros sanjuaneros como Ambigua Desquiciada. (Ilustración de Luis Miguel Valdés)

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