October 12, 2005

Entre otros: pastillas ilegales para dejar de fumar, hociquitos de puerco y estampitas de Santa Bárbara

Por: Manuel Clavell Carrasquillo en desvío, fragilidad, utopía

Por Manuel Clavell Carrasquillo
Redacción de Estruendomudo

Negocio pastillas genéricas para dejar de fumar en el bajo mundo y una doctora desaforada del Colegio de Médicos de Puerto Rico me dice (que conste que las palabras le salen de entre los dientes manchados de nicotina) que es la mejor decisión que he tomado en mi vida.

Organizo excursiones al Valle de Lajas que queda en el sur para explicar la intervención extraterrestre en la isla desde el punto de vista de la ciencia ficción producida aquí por varios escritores de la Secta de los Perros.

Participo en una convocatoria de literatura gay chic, donde no se hará referencia al remalazo de semen (un verso sepulto del escritor montañez Edgardo Nieves Mieles). Aún así y luego de firmar los papeles de inscripción, no logro escoger los "mejores textos".

Observo la persistencia de la lluvia sobre el barro y los muchachitos que nadan en las inundaciones de Loíza.

Analizo la gesta gubernamental del alcalde de Canóvanas, Chemo Soto, incluyendo sus acciones performáticas en contra de la desidia oficial; la charada "ya mismo ponemos al pueblo primero" con sello del ELA a la que se enfrascó teatralizando a la administración pasada. Teorizo que llegar a la Mansión Ejecutiva, a pie o en caballo, vestido de traje blanco con los reclamos de sus conciudadanos escritos con magic marker sobre la tela es su mayor contribución a las artes políticas puertorriqueñas. Entiendo que su incultura y falta de discurso elevado es inversamente proporcional a su maña escénica y que, gracias a ella, el agua fluye por los grifos de los barrios más altos de Canóvanas. ¿Qué otro hombre ilustre del neoprocerato criollo ha alcanzado la portada de la revista Time y ha estado a segundos de atrapar al Chupacabras?

Sueño que desaparece la gente de los alrededores de la central eléctrica de Palo Seco y que Tito Kayak se trepa en la chimenea más alta para colocar una bandera pirata en señal de protesta. El sindicato de la UTIER, desaparecido de las primeras planas misteriosamente, no lo respalda.

Como salmón de alaska marinado en cítricos acompañado con panqueque de papas y caviar. Mientras separo unos huevos negros del beluga de unos cilindros viscosos rojos del pescado de menor calidad, pienso en una fiesta de cupleaños multitudinaria para celebrar mis 30 frente a la playa, de madrugada, y con la música del Trío los Panchos en versión tecno como telón de fondo. Mis amigos me susurran al oído que soy una loca ochentosa, charra y perversa pero mi mente está allí ocupada, dibujando el concepto de las latas de cerveza descansando sobre la arena sólo unas horas. Al amanecer, vendrán los recogedores de chatarra.

Investigo en la Internet el precio de los pasajes para París este fin de semana, están a cuatrocientos y pico de dólares. Qué pena, mis antojitos de natillas de la Boulangerie Pied Noire tendrá que esperar varias semanas.

No es nada, en el ínterin, me llama al celular un ex amante que estudia filosofía en la Universidad de Sevilla para pedirme que le devuelva un libro de relatos "policiacos" de la Roma clásica que olvidó en casa. Eso fue lo que me calmó y me devolvió a la cruda realidad de mi oficio: bibliotecario no-unionado. Claro que te lo devuelvo, le dije, pero ven acá, dime una vaina: ¿Cómo se puede estudiar filosofía en la Universidad de Sevilla con tanto gitano? La agresión verbal me hizo la boca agua y escuché cómo colgaba sin invitarme a pasarme unos días con él el próximo verano.

Superado el desorden momentáneo post-conversación "amena", organicé los periódicos en orden de fechas, de julio hasta septiembre, y decidí, una vez más, no tirarlos. En vez de eso los miraré apilados en la esquina hasta que la tinta se desembarace de su complejo de negra apestosa y exiliada.

Agarro la cartera, las llaves, las ganas o sin ellas, y salgo del penthouse que me merezco hacia la Plaza del Mercado de Río Piedras. Aterrizo forzosamente entre las legumbres y las papayas. No pierdo el sentido. Al contrario, saco provecho de este desliz: la papaya es buena para el cutis y las legumbres afinan la vista. Ya están en la mochila. Me incorporo, piso una cáscara de ñame y acto seguido ruedo hacia la vitrina de la carnicería "El último boricua" (por Dios y su Santo Nombre que así se llama). Mi afro cultivado hace dos años al estilo antirastafari sufre la intervención de una pata de gallina mal puesta y no tan congelada. Los "placeros" se ríen de mí y una anciana que vende billetes de la lotería anuncia por su megáfono que ha caído del parnaso un crítico literario con guille de gallinazo. La pluma, la mota, la movida y el traqueteo, pregúntenle a las ex directoras del Seminario de Estudios Hispánicos.

The Horror!, The Horror!, hociquitos de puerco se me vienen encima, mondonguitos crudos, estampitas de Santa Bárbara, cadenitas de ajos.

One Response to ' Entre otros: pastillas ilegales para dejar de fumar, hociquitos de puerco y estampitas de Santa Bárbara '

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  1. Luis Andrade said,
    on October 13th, 2005 at 12:06 pm

    Buenísimo! Me encantó, específicamente, uno de tus párrafos. Escribí una pequeña nota en mi blog.

    Un abrazo,

    Luis

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