September 18, 2005

Elevator Musique: 5to Microrrelato Tavín Pumarejo 2005

Por: Manuel Clavell Carrasquillo en micros rurales

Por Tomás Redd
Especial para Estruendomudo

 

Llevaba casi 30 años en la misma agencia gubernamental. Luego de 5 administraciones, 11 secretarios y más de 32 jefes directos e innumerables frustraciones, se había conformado con pocas constantes en su vida personal y profesional. Según su estimado mal tasado, a lo largo de su lograda e intachable carrera como servidor público, y gracias a su puesto como mensajero interno, había pasado un total de dos años y medio en los elevadores del edificio. Su disciplina de cuadro marxista-leninista le había servido para sobrevivir cualquier situación difícil sin mayores contratiempos. Eladio se sabía las velocidades y los achaques de cada uno y, cuando se retrasaban, podía diagnosticar el problema de inmediato (este dato lo sabían todos los empleados pues, siendo fiel a su profesión, se había dedicado a esparcirlo bien). La única novedad en el transporte interno en todos esos años había sido la música.

En la época del gobernador Rosselló al secretario de turno se le ocurrió contratar una compañía especializada en ambientación de espacios de trabajo. Además de las begonias plásticas del lobby y las nuevas bandejas en la cafetería, la compañía instaló un sistema de circuito cerrado en los elevadores que permitía escuchar canciones mientras se transitaba por los 18 pisos. Al principio, le tomó tiempo y paciencia ajustarse pues él era un hombre de canciones e himnos inolvidables y las melodías y sonidos eléctricos de “Every Breath You Take”, “I can’t Fight This Feeling” o “What a Fool Believes” le causaban una ansiedad terrible. Lo trató todo: se compró un radio con audífonos, pero la señal no llegaba. Tomó prestado un cd player pero no era práctico, pues su tamaño le ocupaba una mano, una de sus herramientas principales. Intentó cantar y hablar por encima de Michael Jackson pero los tonos agudos lo vencían. Nunca se le escuchó pronunciar ni una sola queja. En algún momento le explicó a un colega que le quedaba poco tiempo en la agencia, que pronto vendría otro jefe con dignidad que se encargaría de terminar ese relajo.

Al cabo de unos años, llegó la época de la gobernación de Sila y Eladio respiró profundo: “Se acabó el ronroneo pitiyanki”. Para su desdicha, resultó ser todo lo contrario. El playlist de rock easy listening se transformó en música de field day. Esta vez los Doobie Brothers y Styx fueron sustituidos por Elvis Crespo, Maná y Jailene Cintrón, entre otros. Su menosprecio era patente pues las cortesías comunes se transformaron en silencio y luego en quejas (especialmente si el pasajero que lo acompañaba se sabía la canción o se meneaba al son del ritmo).

Sus intentos por resolver lo que entendía como un problema de decoro, profesionalismo y muy mal gusto lo llevaron a discutir el tema con sus compadres de la unión, la división legal (según su raciocinio el contrato con la compañía proveedora debió haber terminado hace unos años) y el subsecretario. Una que otra vez le pidió a Cynthia, la asistente administrativa de compras, que le pasara una carta en maquinilla y le consiguiera la dirección de varios Representantes y Senadores. Todas esas gestiones, al parecer, fueron en vano. Pasaron los años y varias tormentas pero el pentagrama musical de la agencia todavía parecía sacado de las patronales de Cataño. Un buen día como cualquier otro, mientras organizaba el correo, encontró una carta timbrada con su nombre. Casi sin mediar palabras sometió sus papeles para tomarse unos días libre.

Al cabo de dos semanas, Eladio Casalduc Molina regresó a su puesto. A las 7:45 am, pasó por el escritorio de Cynthia y le dejó un frasco de café Madre Tierra envuelto en paños de mundillo. “Misión cumplida, compañera” le dijo y soltó un guiño. A los dos días de su llegada, la música dejó de sonar. Los empleados que se quejaron fueron referidos a la división de servicios generales, donde se les explicó que la Ley 223 de 21 de agosto de 2004, según enmendada, era bastante clara. Al otro día se escuchaban guiros, panderos, seises y hasta tapas de drones.

No obstante, a sólo 24 días de su retiro, Eladio abandonó su puesto. Nadie podía explicar su desaparición. Un contable que llegó temprano el día del cambio habló con Cynthia y le explicó que, sollozando y maldiciendo, el Sr. Casalduc salió disparado por el lobby con unas pertenencias. No recordaba más detalles ni entendió bien qué estaba pasando. Eso sí, se acordó de la tonada que escuchó al montarse en el elevador; iba algo así como: “tun kitunkin, tun kitunking, apágame el celular, y escóndeme el bíííper.”

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