August 18, 2005

Fracatán de desastres y un poema para anestesiar sensibilidades

Por: Manuel Clavell Carrasquillo en fragilidad

Por la Redacción de ESTRUENDOMUDO

Me dijo Pelas que anoche la pasate bien con Cacho. Que perrearon hasta el amanezca. Le dije que no me diera los detalles, que ya me podía imaginar el despelote. Un sudor para exprimir camisas y una peste a pasto por todos lados. Lo peor es la fila para ir al baño, un montón de tipos en proceso de deshidratación con la encomienda de aguantarse. Esas cosas son así, le dije, como para cortarle el temita, pero siguió insistiendo Chacho, el tipo me agarró por la cintura y me llevaba a las millas. Se volvió loco con "Se vale todo, todo, todo". Imagínate, un himno de la perdición mariconil, y a todo volumen, coreado al unísono por todos los Bufalos Mojados que asisten a la disco, y en plena faena.

Astringente para las bacterias del restaurante Molokai, en pleno Santurce desquiciado al medio día. Peculiaridades: Dos ejecutivos tratando de llamar la atención de las chinas, que son las dueñás que lo atienden. Un abogado con sus clientes (el tipo que debe la pensión y la corteja). Tres artistas wannabe-retro en busca de una conversación sobre las manías de las jevas y una alta funcionaria del Instituto de Culturapuertorriqueña cuyo nombre no puedo recordar reunida con la plana mayor de la agencia. Al menos se sabe y se confirma que la susodicha empleada del ELA es humana, come lo-mein con pique color sangre o al menos lo aparenta. Mientras vienen y van los platos de fideos de arroz y se intercambian señales en cantonés en plena parada 17 y media, el televisor transmite una sesión de las consabidas inundaciones de la provincia de Wonton: anuncian al pie de pantalla en letras grandes que el río amarillo se ha desbordado. Dos mil damnificados, ocho vacas muertas y par de heridos.

Me presta fuego para poder pasar la velada con un cigarro encendido. Se lo devuelvo. Me gustaría plantearle que nuestro destino es la posición horizontal, pero no me atrevo. Tantos pudores que hay que superar, y que supuestamente están superados en un momento dado (sólo por escribir la frase), y uno sigue en las mismas. Es el principio del semestre lo que me tiene así. Tengo que llamar a dos o tres panas. Les debo. No hago gesto, así que me conviene encaminarme hacia el centro comercial Plaza Las Américas, embajada Usa en Puertorro. Ya tengo fecha de instalación del National Honor Society que me toca en esta etapa de la vida. Destino final: Macy’s. Me han comentado que allí venden gabanes. Mi marido, estoy seguro, se decanta por las bellezas italianas de Dolce & Gabbana. Por mi parte, preferisco algo así, más sencillito y latino, como Zara.

Si la familia es una institución, entonces, definitivamente, soy un banco en la sala de espera.

¿Cómo carajos es que existen ciudadanos que pueden llevar una agenda? Al chavo la cuadra Kutranka, una amiga mía egresada de la facultad de finanzas. A veces me le pego bien y le susurro al oído un Mija, ¿cómo es que te sale? Deben saber que a Kutranka no le place en lo más mínimo que yo ande por ahí desmemoriado, saltándome citas aquí y allá, como si la vida no me importara y sus órdenes secuenciales me parecieran un chiste. Nunca le digo que se calme, que lo coja easy conmigo, porque estoy medicado. Comparto que a cada rato me siento retratado en esos artículos de lujo que publica Omaya Sosa Pascual en el periódico El Nuevo Día sobre las condiciones de los hospitales siquiátricos de la isla. Me imagino que a ustedes les pasa igual. Tanta desolación es esos rostros apiñados uno al lado del otro, pero sin encontrarse. Tanta informalidad vagabunda por esos pasillos, digamos (a Félix no le gusta que use plurales), del hospital de Psiquiatría Forense. Hoy mismo se llevaron a otro. Yo me pregunto, ¿si en la calle les dan anestesia de caballo a los tecatos para que se liquiden rápido, qué es lo que les dan a los locos para que se acostumbren al size estándard de las batas blancas?

El Arzobispo es alérgico a la anestesia,
eso quiere decir que quedan más ampolletas
para la distribución gratuita
El presupuesto está en proceso de enmiendas
para incluir sueritos
La unidad móvil del Centro de Diagnóstico
y Tratamiento de San Juan
va blindada con Nonoxinol 9
Pepe Liboy es el escritor que puede convertir esa mini-van
en el volky de Herby
Yara Liceaga Goes Bannanas
Siento punzadas en el esternón
Me lavo las pantorrillas
Encuentro que hay conexión entre los desalojos de los judíos
en Gaza
y la detonación de más bombas de la Marina
Yo acabaría con los acorazados
Un pana me dijo que al bautizarlos con champán
nacen
como entidades jurídicas
También
acabaría con las hormigas
Bueno,
me conformo con acabar con los experimentos que hacen con moscas
en la clase de biología CIBI 3001, por citar a una bloguera
La rima también me molesta
pero no hay rollo
todo queda aclarado
en el prólogo de Don Quijote,
uno de los favoritos del programa Cultura Viva
Hay que saber que ese prólogo lo redactó Mario Vargas Llosa para
latinoamérica,
con minúsciulas aquí
porque está descalza,
según Luis Rafael Sánchez.
Excepto, cómo se va a quedar sin su pan y sin su circo,
en Venezuela,
donde el Comandante Chávez de los Titiriteros Populistas
ordenó un prólogo a Alfaguara
menos ofensivo contra sus sensibilidades marxistas.
Siempre nos quedará París,
repite Mayra Montero en su última columna dominical,
Siempre nos quedará el Restaurante El Charro
de Puerta de Tierra
Digo yo, por apuntar la brújula hacia el lugar de mi nostalgia
Sigo esperanzado (embuste)
gracias a los colores
de las flores de papel
que están al lado
de la Virgen de la Guadalupe
en ese templo mexicano.

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